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The letter to my friend (교정 : 1)
국적 : Korea, Republic of
모국어 : Korean
구사언어 : English(중급)
학습언어 : English(중급), Spanish(초급)
상세보기 쪽지보내기
Hey! How's your day?
How's the weather over there?
It's very cold right now in Korea.

There is one person I know that is studying in Japan.
One day, he went to the pharmacy to buy some lotion and toner.
(In Korea they usally sell it at department store but I guess in Japan they sell it at the pharmacy.)

Well, in Korea we usually call toner 'skin' so he asked the pharmacist,
"Can I have a skin?" ,and the pharmacist gave him condoms.
He felt like he was being looked down or something because he was a foreigner, so he got a little upset and came out.

But later on he found out that in Japan they call condoms 'skin'. HaHaHa. Isin't it kind of funny? XD.
Just the way language can change into diffrent meanings...
I think we should always be careful of what we speak.

Well, then have a good day.
날짜 : 2012-01-10 06:54:45 | 교정 : 1 | 조회 : 6,220
사용된 언어 : English
태그 :
  • Minjeong
  • I like your story. It's funny! hahaha
  • 날짜 : 2012-01-13 12:36:56

  • KJ
  • Me too!
  • 날짜 : 2012-01-18 22:57:17


[ 교정 ]
국적 : United States
모국어 : English
구사언어 :
학습언어 :
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Hi. Your letter is very good, but a little choppy.

The first thing that I notice is that your letter is organized in “stanzas,” rather than in paragraphs. In English, each paragraph should contain a complete idea, and within that paragraph, each sentence should contain one thought, which contributes to the idea in the paragraph. The first sentence in your paragraph should tell the reader what he is going to be reading about in that paragraph. Short paragraphs ? or even one-sentence paragraphs are OK. In your writing the individual lines, do not appear to follow that rule.

The first stanza, is actually a paragraph. I would organize it in the following way:

“Hey! How's your day? How's the weather over there? It's very cold right now in Korea.”

The next two stanzas all seem to belong to a single idea.

I know a person that is studying in Japan. One day, he went to the pharmacy to buy some lotion and toner. (In Korea they usually sell it at department store but I guess in Japan they sell it at the pharmacy.) Well, in Korea, we usually call toner 'skin' so he asked the pharmacist, "Can I have a skin?’" and the pharmacist gave him condoms.

In this paragraph, I have removed the words “There is one person” and moved them inside the main sentence. “a person” is “1 person” because “a” literally means “1.”

The next sentence and the parenthetical note are just fine, except that I don’t know what “toner” is. In this context it is not a common English word. Can you find a more common English word to substitute?

I have added a comma after Korea, because “in Korea” is just additional information that can be removed without altering the sentence. (Because of a complicated English grammar rule, reduced to a much simpler test…)

I removed the redundant comma after the quote, because it is not necessary. As a general rule, if a comma is optional, leave it out. Also, there is some disagreement among grammarians, but the comma, if used with a quote, may be placed inside the quote mark ? or, in this case, since this is a punctuated quote, it must be placed outside the quote mark. If used, there is no space between the quote mark and the comma. In this case, the comma will just add confusion, because it follows another punctuation mark.

The next part begins a new idea…

He felt like he was being put down, or something, because he was a foreigner, so he got a little upset and left. But later, he found out that in Japan they call condoms 'skin'. HaHaHa. Isn't it kind of funny, XD? It’s just the way words in different languages can have different meanings... We should always be careful what we speak.

I changed to “he was being put down” because that is a more appropriate use of this idiom, for this context. We say, “left,” rather than “came out.” We would use “came out” if you were outside waiting for him.

I assume that “XD” is somebody’s name or nickname. If so, the name is included in the question ? if not, I do not know what “XD” could mean, in this context.

Here is the final letter:

“Hey! How's your day? How's the weather over there? It's very cold right now in Korea.”

I know a person that is studying in Japan. One day, he went to the pharmacy to buy some lotion and toner. (In Korea they usually sell it at department store but I guess in Japan they sell it at the pharmacy.) Well, in Korea, we usually call toner 'skin' so he asked the pharmacist, "Can I have a skin?’" and the pharmacist gave him condoms.

He felt like he was being put down, or something, because he was a foreigner, so he got a little upset and left. But later, he found out that in Japan they call condoms 'skin'. HaHaHa. Isn't it kind of funny, XD? It’s just the way words in different languages can have different meanings... We should always be careful what we speak!

Well, have a good day.



I hope this helps

(Their web page removed the double lines that should be used to separate paragraphs)
날짜 : 2012-01-11 00:42:30
댓글수 : 1 댓글추가
  • insun jo
  • Thank you for kind explanation!
  • 날짜 : 2012-01-12 00:21:00