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Congress passed a far-reaching campaign finance reform law (교정 : 1)
국적 : Korea, Republic of
모국어 : Korean
구사언어 : English(중급)
학습언어 : English(선택안함)
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Last month, Congress passed a far-reaching campaign finance reform law. In the past, the amount of money candidates was able to solicit for corporate bussinesses was limited. Adherents for the bill say that the reform package was intended for politicians to focus more of their time on the issues facing their constituents not on fund raise drive. Those who are opposed to the new law complain that lifting the spending regulations to corporate bussiness could result in bigger entities having a political clout over electorial process. They thought that the previous law was more close to curtailing the power of companies.

날짜 : 2013-06-29 11:56:41 | 교정 : 1 | 조회 : 5,292
사용된 언어 : English
태그 :

[ 교정 ]
국적 : United States
모국어 : English
구사언어 : Spanish(고급), Korean(고급)
학습언어 : Chinese (Mandarin)(초보), French(초보), Portuguese(초보)
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Last month, Congress passed a far-reaching campaign finance reform law. In the past, the amount of money candidates (were) able to solicit (from) corporate (businesses) was limited.
>>Minor grammatical and spelling errors were corrected here. Here, it would be appropriate to mention what new change has actually taken effect. "In the past, ... was limited. Now, ..." The reader will not know what change has taken place until you mention it. Once you've told the reader what used to be and what now is, it would logically be followed by the statements of adherents and opposers.

Adherents (of) the bill say that the (intent of the) reform package was (to encourage) politicians to focus more of their time on the issues facing their constituents (and less) on (fundraising).
>>I changed the wording here a bit to help it flow better.

Those who are opposed to the new law complain that lifting the spending regulations (on) corporate (business) could result in (financial) entities having (greater) political clout over (the electoral) process.
>>I changed it in a way that made more sense to me personally. I hope it hasn't changed the essence of what you were trying to convey.

They (argue) that the previous law was more close to curtailing the power of companies.
>>I used the word "argue" to give more force to the statement made by the opposition.
날짜 : 2013-06-29 12:38:21
댓글수 : 1 댓글추가
  • MrKim
  • Thanks very much Miss Kwon^^
    You have corrected my coarse writing as much as two times!!!
    So nice of you to do!!
  • 날짜 : 2013-06-29 16:11:10