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controversy surrounding social media (교정 : 1)
AJ
국적 : Korea, Republic of
모국어 : Korean
구사언어 : English(초급)
학습언어 : English(중급)
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There is a controversy about whether goverment need to restrict social media. It is true that a lot of criminals arise by using social media. This is because social media enables criminals to spread out widely.
However, I think social media has a positive effect on developing society, even though it has many negative effects.
Social media not only distribute updates related to useful information but also dispel rumors in short time.

Firstly, Social media allows people to gain easily aidful information. This shows that social media can be useful tool.
For example, I could readily get knowledges about my major by using social media when I was undergraduate. Therefore, I realized that social media is so convenient.

Moreover, social media not only enables erroneous rumours to be dispelled but also prevent criminals.
According to a Facebook official, their site is useful to the police as a valuable intelligence tool in gaining evidence to convict criminals.
Also, even though it is difficult to put wrong news right prior to the advent of new technology service such as Facebook and Twitter, wrong news can be disappeared quickly through this service.

In conclusion, i believe that social media has many positive effects.
This is because it distribute updates as well as prevent criminals.
날짜 : 2012-05-19 16:16:19 | 교정 : 1 | 조회 : 4,550
사용된 언어 : English
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[ 교정 ]
국적 : United States
모국어 : English
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That was a good short essay AJ - it's quite well organized! I would write it like this:

There is a controversy about whether the government needs to restrict social media. It is true that a lot of criminals arise by using social media. This is because social media enables criminals to spread out widely. However, I think that, despite its negative effects, social media also has a positive effect on developing society. Social media not only disseminates useful information but also dispels rumors in a short time.

Firstly, social media allows people to easily gain helpful information. This shows that social media can be a useful tool.
For example, when I was an undergraduate I could readily find knowledge about my major by using social media. Through that experience, I realized that social media is so convenient.

Moreover, social media not only enables erroneous rumours to be dispelled but also prevent criminals. According to a Facebook official, their site is useful to the police as a valuable intelligence tool in gaining evidence to convict criminals. Also, it was difficult to put wrong news right prior to the advent of new technology services such as Facebook and Twitter, but now inaccurate news can be revealed and retracted quickly through these services.

In conclusion, I believe that social media has many positive effects because it spreads information as well as prevents crime.


Keep it up!
날짜 : 2012-05-20 01:21:00
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