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My introduction (교정 : 1)
- There is a man who has the dream of youth. It's me.
I was bone of a happy family that is the father, the mother, the older sister, and the younger brother. My home town is Dae-jeon and lived in Dae-jeon also.
I think, it is the process which searches a dream that youth. Also youth is challenge. My youth is process which searches a dream and it is a more like in the future.
Computer was future. I know of the world though the computer and looked my future. So my dream is a computer engineer. To my dreams come true go on to department of computer engineer. Studying computer, more and more interesting. Acquired many qualification. Qualification names are Official Examination-Korean Word Processing Skills 1st Class, Craftsman Information Equipment Operation, Microsoft Office: Word, Power Point, Excel.
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날짜 : 2012-01-25 08:04:01 | 교정 : 1 | 조회 : 5,012
사용된 언어 : English
태그 :
[ 교정 ]
- Your writing is not bad, but there are some repeated mistakes. Be careful with verb tense (past or present) and make sure every sentence has a verb. I would edit your first paragraph like this:
There is a man who has a youthful dream: That man is me. I was born into a happy family including my father, my mother, and my younger brother. I live in my home town of Daejon.
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean in your second paragraph. Try re-writing it with shorter, simpler sentences.
For the last paragraph, here is my correction:
Computers are the future. I know about the world through computers, and see them in my future. So, my dream is to become a computer engineer. To make my dream come true I'm studying in the department of computer engineering. Studying computers gets more and more interesting. I have acquired several qualifications including Official Examination-Korean Word Processing Skills 1st Class, Craftsman Information Equipment Operation, and Microsoft Office: Word, Power Point, Excel.
Hope this helps!
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날짜 : 2012-01-29 11:35:21
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